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Community Corner

Is Your Child Safe from Strangers?

Teaching your kids to fear strangers can actually backfire

My daughters are 4, 3, and 13 months. My oldest daughter’s first word was “Hi!” and the other two have closely followed their big sister’s model, demonstrating unbridled independence and friendliness toward others.  

My girls just love to play at the park down the street from our house. If they could, they would play all day and all night. But my husband and I don’t always feel like staying at the park so long and we usually have to round them up against their will to come home. 

I remember my mom used to let me play at the park or with the older kids in my neighborhood with little to no supervision. That was over thirty years ago and times, I’m afraid, are different. My husband needed not remind me the other day when we were grumbling over who got to take the kids to the park, that we live in Petaluma, a town where unfortunately in 1993 one family famously lost their little girl to a sick and sinister man. 

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Lately I have found myself thinking about my kids in relation to strangers and how to keep my children safe. However, before I could educate them, I realized that I needed a real education on what language to use. After all, I was the one who had my kids scared of police officers for a while because I mistakenly threatened to take my daughter to the police station when she wouldn’t stay in her carseat. I had to quickly re-work that one with them. 

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children is working to challenge the outdated idea that teaching “stranger-danger” is an effective method in keeping children safe from harm. The NCMEC has found that children don’t understand the “stranger-danger” concept, adults don’t practice it, because they talk to strangers all the time in front of their children and the concept is just not effective in keeping children safe.

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Teaching "stranger danger" could in fact prevent children from getting help from a stranger who could help them if they were lost or needed help.

"Today, kids need to be empowered with positive messages and safety skills that will build their self esteem and self confidence while helping to keep them safer," said NCMEC’s National Safety Director Nancy McBride.

"Kids don’t need to be told the world is a scary place. They watch the news, hear adults talking, and may even experience violence firsthand. Rather, they need to know their parent, guardian, or another trusted adult is there for them if they are in trouble; and most adults they encounter in their lives are basically good people."

Enter organizations like KidPower, an nonprofit that since 1989 has been dedicated to doing just what the NCMEC suggests. I was referred to KidPower by several Petaluma parents who told me about it when I inquired with the question "What are you doing to help educate your children and yourselves on stranger safety?"

I spoke with Erika Leonard, California Program Manager for KidPower, who has being doing this work for 17 years. 

“The reasons for the work are usually stressful and sad. When parents come to a KidPower workshop they are nervous. But we teach them safety skills building is the foundation for fun. For example, if you went to a BBQ, you would have less fun if you were in constant fear of catching on fire."

"But because you know about fire safety those fire safety skills are what help you have fun while you're there. The same can be true with safety skills. So you spend no time worrying and enjoy your children” said Leonard.

What KidPower strives to do is educate parents and children by providing people with online educational materials, such as articles, coloring books for kids, blogs, publications, curriculum development, and videos. In addition, they  provide workshops for children, teens, and adults. 

KidPower teaches parents how to talk to their children about strangers without making them scared. Instead of focusing on bad things that happen to people, KidPower encourages parents to focus on teaching and practicing skills and behaviors that they want their children to use to stay safe with strangers.

In the article, KidPower Safety Tips: Protecting Children From Stranger Abduction/Kidnapping , Co-Founder of KidPower, Irene van der Zande highlights 9 tips for parents to follow when educating their kids on stranger safety:

  • teach kids to get help if something doesn’t seem safe
  • use the word “stranger” calmly and accurately to so kids can understand without worry
  • have a safety plan and practice what to do with kids and include role playing 
  • teach kids about the difference of being together with others or on their own
  • teach kids about personal information and when it's okay to give it out
  • help young kids practice “moving away” and “checking” in first before talking, taking from, or going away with a stranger
  • help older kids and teens to practice “think first” 
  • practice yelling and running for help
  • teach kids how to use self-defense in-an emergency

I also found great information from the local resource Polly Klaas Foundation, which offers parents and caregivers a free Child Safety Kit that includes two fingerprint/DNA documents to record children’s personal information. Their website also has suggestions for parents on keeping kids safe. 

Today, I feel like I opened a treasure chest of knowledge to help me feel secure as parent in teaching stranger safety, whereas yesterday I had no clue where to start. I look forward to exploring these ideas with my children and coming up with plans so that my children can continue to enjoy their childhoods while I enjoy watching them still close by, but a whole lot less freaked out. 

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