Teenage Suicide: The Signs, The Symptoms & Hope for Help

Even before I became a parent, news of a teenager ending his life would stop me in my tracks and shake me up. Perhaps, it was my own experience of losing a friend in high school to suicide that makes me a bit more sensitive to such news.

The recent death of the , the story of the that jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge in March, followed by a 16-year-old girl jumping from the same bridge in April, got me thinking about how to spot signs of depression.

News about teens ending their lives or even attempting to, is highly disturbing. Those children are somebody’s children and to lose a child unnecessarily to suicide makes me wonder how those parents, friends, or families, didn’t see the signs that could have helped prevent such loss.

One of the things I wanted to know about is how a parent can distinguish between normal teen angst related to all of the changes that teens go through physically, socially, and academically and depression.

“It’s normal for a teenager to withdraw from their parents, but not their peer group,” said Laura Kellison, a psychologist works with kids, adolescents, families and adults in her private Petaluma practice and was a psychologist at Kaiser Permanente for six years. 

“However, even if a teen is pushing a parent away, it is important for the parent to continue to be involved and curious about their teen's life.  I have met with many parents and teens over the years.  When the parents feel rejected by their teen, they sometimes just stop asking them to do things together," she said.

"I have met with many teens who are depressed who say they just wish their parents would try to understand them and listen, really listen to them more or ask them to do more things with them (even if they reject them),” she says.  

Kellison has found that as teens get older they will not say, "Can you believe my parents used to ask me questions about my life and to go shopping or to a movie with me?” However, they will remember and be affected if their parents infrequently or never did.

For the majority of pre-teens and older patients that Kellison sees, the major focus of treatment has been to help them with anxiety related issues: social anxiety, test anxiety, generalized anxiety, OCD, phobias, panic disorder, and depression.

In her experience, depression and anxiety often cohabitate in many patients. Many of the parents who seek help with their teens are looking for guidance with their teen’s behavioral issues (running away, substance abuse, etc.).

“In general, I have found that if the teen is resistant to therapy, it is really difficult. In my experience, the parents need to get the child to counseling if it is a serious problem that is interfering with the child or teen’s wellbeing,” said Kellison.

Additionally, treatment is also difficult if the parents expect the therapist to “fix” the child but not change some of the parenting or family issues if needed.

Here are some common depressive symptoms in teens to look for:

▪                Poor performance in school or a marked change in grades

▪                Withdrawal from friends and activities that they used to enjoy

▪                Sadness and hopelessness that cannot be explained

▪                Lack of enthusiasm, energy or motivation

▪                Overreaction to criticism

▪                Poor self-esteem or guilt

▪                Lack of concentration or forgetfulness

▪                Changes in eating or sleeping patterns

▪                Problems with authority

▪                Suicidal thoughts, gestures or actions

▪                Irritability and anger and agitation

▪                Multiple physical complaints

▪                Evidence of substance use/abuse

In addition to the above symptoms, a good barometer in deciding when to get help for your teen is noticeable changes in your teen that seem extreme (e.g. in mood, sleep, eating, grades, little or enjoyment of activities they use to), symptoms lasting longer that 2 weeks, and those that cause difficulty in the adolescent’s ability to function socially, academically, or in the family.

What to do?

If you have insurance, you may want to contact your insurance company to see what kind of mental health coverage you have. Some psychologists and therapists are on insurance panels and some are not.  Some insurance companies will reimburse you for seeing an out of network provider.  Some people prefer to not go through insurance because some insurance companies keep a mental health diagnosis on the child's insurance record.  Kaiser has a separate child and family team at most clinics. 

Psychologytoday.com and goodtherapy.org have tools to help suggest how to find a psychologist in your area. Kellison recommends that a potential client call at least three clinicians before selecting who they work with. 

“Make sure they have experience working with the age and the problem that you are seeking help for. Most clinicians will offer a free phone consultation or talk to you about your needs and give you information about how they work.  When you talk to three different therapists, you may find that there is one you feel is the best match for your child’s needs,” she said.

Additionally, since therapy can be costly, Kellison suggests asking what the therapist’s rate of a session is, if there is a sliding scale fee, what hours for appointments that the therapist keeps so that they will work with you and your child’s schedule, and how often they think your child will be seen.

Knowing that there is help for teens in trouble and by supplying parents with information on what to look for in their teen is a start at keeping teen suicide out of the media. Life is so precious and as a mother I want nothing more than for my kids to enjoy it. It is so good to know that there are things parents can look for before it is too late. It’s good to know that there is help out there and hope.