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Health & Fitness

Telling the Truth About What We Really Want

Why is it so hard to tell the truth to ourselves about what we really want? I just discovered, to my chagrin, that I haven't been walking my talk...

We always teach what we need to learn. I believe that. And I tend to write about telling the truth and knowing what you really want. That's what my book is about. So I was shocked to discover, a few days ago, that I haven't been telling the truth to myself about what I really want. At least not recently.

My realization started when a friend asked me if I would consider moving back to New York. 'No', was my immediate reply. But as we talked I realized that while I didn't miss New York, I missed its sophisticated elegance. I missed being in a large city that has great restaurants. I missed wearing nice clothes.

I don't like funky. I feel that the little town I'm living in is too small--asphyxiatingly small. And I don't fit in. I'm not a hippy type. I like nice dresses and I still wear make up. Finally, I came to the realization that I don't belong in this cute little town. That's why my friend had asked the question about New York. She saw that I was like a fish out of water here as well.

To my chagrin, I realize that I've been doing what I detest: a spiritual bypass. I have been putting a positive spin on something that doesn't work for me. "Oh, this is such a cute town!" Yes, but I need to get out of it. "Oh, there's such a nice community!" Yes, but it's not my community. It's not my tribe. I don't fit in. I don't care for gardening, or composting, or living with others in a communal setting. Even if that's the spiritually correct thing to do, it's not what I want to do. I've been imposing outside values on myself. Who knew?

So I had to tell myself the truth first, before I tell you the truth. I'm not happy in this lifestyle. I am longing for expansive horizons. I am longing to feel at home somewhere. And I have to let go of the New Age beliefs that the world is ending in 2012, and that we need to be near a food source. We need to be where our heart is calling us. We need to be with our tribe. So my question to God lately is: Where is my tribe?

Or as the Course in Miracles would say: God, what would you have me do? Where would you have me go? What would you have me say? And to whom? Since I can't trust myself lately, I figure I'll put my trust in God and pay attention to the answers that come my way. What excites me and gives me joy? It's been a long time since I felt this way and I don't want to wait any longer.

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