Chris Cox: One Year in the Blink of an Eye

Wednesday marked the one-year anniversary of the Lake Tahoe diving accident that paralyzed Petaluma teen Danny Cox. For this father, Chris, the year has passed in the blink of an eye.

Danny's accident and then his untimely death in a car accident Sunday hasn't been easy, Cox said. What has helped is the outpouring of community support.

“Yesterday morning I opened my eyes and it hit me. That moment when I remember just kills me,” he said.

The days are filled with profound reflection for Chris Cox, which included a drive Tuesday to the crash site where his son died on Highway 101.

“That’s the last place Danny was and I wanted to touch that tree,” said Cox. 

While at the accident scene, his daughter and Danny's older sister, Emily Cox, 25, who is a masseuse, burned sage to release Danny’s spirit.

Tuesday evening, there was a family dinner full of conversation about their lost 19-year-old son and brother. Chris Cox is divorced from Danny's mother, Maureen McGowan.

“We talked about Danny and especially thanked Emily for dropping what she was doing and spending the whole last year caring for Danny. She said caring for him gave her life purpose. It gave me purpose, too,” said Cox.

The McGowan and Cox families have been overwhelmed by an outpouring of support, especially the 1,800-member list (and growing) of people planning to wear yellow and black on Friday, Aug. 19 to remember Danny Cox. The movement began on Facebook as a way to honor Danny's memory.

Krista Gawronski, founder of The Fabulous Women who held fund-raisers to support Danny Cox’s recovery, will wear yellow and black on that day.

“The whole community is grieving. Whether you knew him or not... everyone felt connected to Danny's story. We were all vested in Danny's recovery,” said Gawronski.

So will Karen Nau, who served on the Petaluma City Council 2005-2008. She was Danny’s younger brother Charlie’s pre-school teacher.

“My grown children are very close to his older sister, Emily. The McGowan and Cox families are wonderful people. With wearing two colors, we show our unity and grief, which might help the family know how important Danny was to all of us,” said Nau.

What’s behind the yellow and black clothing theme?

“Danny got that from me," Chris Cox said. "Then it became something he and I did. I was a Novato High Hornet but that's not really it. Then I went into construction using DeWalt tools, which are yellow and black and it just became my thing. My golf clubs are yellow and black. My bike…the same colors,” he said.

On the family’s most recent trip to Panama for stem-cell therapy, Chris Cox purchased a bright yellow panama hat. He plans to wear it to the Memorial at Petaluma High on Sunday. He'll also wear it to the upcoming fund-raising golf tournament at scheduled for September 10. Tens of thousands of dollars in medical bills still need to be paid.

“You think about funerals and you think old people. And maybe at a service for an older person you might see 50 or 60 people. I think when I look around Sunday, gosh, I’m going to see that my son was really important to people. I’m so honored to be his father,” said Cox.

Cox described his own grieving as a process he must navigate. He doesn’t want to bottle up his pain and hold onto it.

“I want to grieve and release. The family is working through it.”

But some hours are more difficult than others. Like so many others before him who have lost loved ones, he has moments of surprise that the world hasn’t stopped because of his loss. He has impulsive thoughts, but controls them. Time spent with family and friends helps he said.

“You want to say to strangers, you don’t know me but my son died. My son is gone. Talking about him, remembering him brings him back for me. For a little bit,” Cox said.

Eight days from now on Aug. 19 Chris Cox will awake and open his eyes and his first thoughts will be of the son lost to him. He hopes to be ready to head back to work by then.

On that day, will he notice each and every person driving, serving coffee, crossing the street, or walking their dog who is wearing yellow and black? You bet he will. That little gesture will affirm his dearest hope: that Danny is not forgotten.